I like things my way. Point, blank, period. When I don’t get what I want, when I want it, and how it I want it, I get an attitude. I can be totally honest. If I order a specific item at Burger King  and they serve me something else, I automatically make sure they correct my order. After all, Burger King’s slogan is, “Have it your way.” I have come to the realization that I have often made the mistake of approaching God with a “Have it my way” type of attitude. I’ve always ran to God to put in my orders with very specific requests. I want this, I want that, I want it this way, I want it that way, and I want it now. Then, when God, the Most High, whose thoughts are FAR  above mine, doesn’t give me what I want, when I want it, my attitude begins to lose MAJOR altitude. I get mad and emotionally impulsive, like a toddler throwing a tantrum (double-mindedness). My will versus His will, the biggest battle I’ve ever fought. The funny thing is I’ve never won and I never will so…I’ve finally learned to fully surrender.

I would say that my unwillingness to break my will for His has been the single thing that has jacked me up the MOST in my walk with God. I’d hate to even imagine how many breakthroughs and blessings have been blocked because of my stubbornness and unwillingness to submit. After making some really DUMB mistakes in life, I’ve learned quite a few things.

The God we serve is infinite and limitless. Isaiah 55:9 tells us that God’s thoughts and ways are higher than ours. No one can fully grasp the mind of God, we simply don’t have the capacity. With that being said, THERE IS NO WAY that we can possibly box this great big God into our TINY wills. The BIGGEST mistake I’ve ever made in my life was saying, “Ok God, here’s what I’m going to do. Bless it!”. NADA! So many times I’ve stood in church and straight LIED (I had to repent) singing, “I give myself away so you can use me..” and “I surrender all to you, everything I give to you, withholding nothing”. LIES. How could this be true when my will is stuck in the forefront of my mind??? It’s easy to worship God when He is blessing us but the authenticity of our worship is tested when God doesn’t let us have it our way (but that’s a whole other topic for a different blog entry). Now, in Mark 11:22 Jesus tells us that if we ask without doubting, we will receive what we have asked for. Psalm 37:4 tells us that the Lord will grant us our hearts desires if we take delight in Him. So, we know that God desires to give us what we pray for BUT above all Jesus tells us to pray for God’s will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven (Matthew 6:10). At the end of the day, God has the last word and His will must be done. We may not always get what we want. We may not always get it when we want it. But we can always be 100% SURE that God’s plans are far greater than ours, for He has plans to prosper us not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11).

I’m struggling right now all because of my stupid will. I’ve always had this picture in my mind of how my life should be. Funny enough, reality NEVER came close to matching that picture. No matter how hard I’ve tried, I’ve never been able to bring that picture to fruition. My way has only led to regret, disappointment, frustration, and delay. Last January, I had every right to dislike my job. It was dead-end with no fulfillment, high frustration, and low pay. But I should have referred to James 1:4, which encourages us to persevere so we’ll grow mature and complete, lacking nothing. Obviously, God didn’t give me another job at that time for a reason, I was on an assignment. Though I had no idea what my assignment or purpose there was, I should have remembered that God is strategic and intentional. He orders the steps of His people according to His will for their lives (Psalm 37:23). Everything, even what doesn’t feel good, works together for our good. Often things don’t seem that way but we must have faith in our King. We don’t understand it but we don’t need to. God is sovereign and perfect. He NEVER fails. He’s been doing His job since FOREVER and we certainly can’t tell Him how to do anything!

Simply stated, I should have persevered on my job rather than running away and aborting my assignment. Who knows what my reward would have been had I allowed perseverance to finish its work back then. Now, a year and a half later, I have to persevere through a whole other struggle- NO JOB AND NO INCOME. Though God is faithful and He sustains me, I would have rather passed the test back last January. Some struggles are indeed God’s will, but others are simply self-induced. See how my stubborn will only set me back??? My will only created unnecessary additional challenges. Had I just submitted to God’s will rather than trying to force my own, I’m sure I’d be much further along in a much better position. But hey, you live and you learn. My mistakes just give me something to write about. My hope is that you will learn from my mistakes and not make the same.

Finally, at last, I SURRENDER. REALLY. From the bottom of my heart. I relinquish full control of my life to the One who’s given me life. I BREAK MY WILL FOR HIS. I’m TIRED of messing up stuff in my life. Jesus gave His life on the cross so ALL can have a RELATIONSHIP with Him. A few years ago, I took one of the best courses that I could have ever taken- Interpersonal Psychology. The course taught all about relationships. We learned that relationships are BIDIRECTIONAL, meaning that everything should be mutual (going BOTH ways). So, if we have a TRUE relationship with the Lord, we shouldn’t merely be consumed by our dreams and desires. We should be even more interested in God’s will for our lives. We should be even more interested in what HE WANTS for us. I’m so glad I finally get it. If things don’t go my way- GREAT! God is preventing and protecting while preparing me for much better. Regardless of what I have to endure through this journey called “His will”, I can maintain peace and joy. After all, everything I need is in Him. Now after all the damage I’ve inflicted by trying to force my will, I have one question- where to from here??? I have no idea, but I am following the One who’s all-knowing. I’m pretty confident that I’m on the right path to a great blessing. 🙂